A ZATO NA COMPLETE

Na rasa abinda zan yi akan mutumin nan, Allah ya gani, nayi iyakar kokarina, amma a banza. Gabadaya duk wata idea da tunanin yadda zan yakice duk wasu feelings da nake ji game dashi, na rasa. Duk wata hanya da zan bi, na bi. Amma a banza.
Kullum ta Allah ji nake kamar kara min so, bege, da kaunarshi a cikin raina ake yi. Na rasa kalar wannan masifar.
Wadannan yan lokutan, lokuta ne masu tsananin wahala da ban taba fuskantar irinsu a cikin rayuwata ba. Saboda haka ne na rasa yadda zan tunkari wannan al’amari.
Yaya Bilal ya zamo wata gagarumar wuta da take ci ganga-ganga a cikin raina, amma na rasa kalar ruwan da zai kashe min wannan wuta. Na kuma rasa yadda zanyi, saboda a kullum wannan wuta kara ruruwa take yi a cikin raina, tana kuma kona ni fiye da tunanina. Tana azabtar dani.

Yau dai kwanaki kusan goma sha uku rabon da inyi waya da Yaya Bilal. Tun washegarin ranar da yazo ya turke ni, ya kira ni. Lokacin muna cikin yin wayar, I snapped. Ban san lokacin dana mishi tsawa ba. Yana magana ne akan da gaske yana son aurena tsakaninshi da Allah, ya dage akan ba zai hada mu waje daya dasu ba, zai min nawa gidan daban. Ban san abinda ya shiga kaina ba a lokacin, su kansu kalmomin dana furta ban san na fade su ba sai bayan da suka fita daga bakina, nace “Wai ana dole ne? Ko kuwa ance maka ban san ciwon kaina ba? Dole ne? Ka kyaleni don Allah, nace maka bana son ka!!”.
Nayi shiru ina sauke ajiyar numfashi kamar wata kumurcin macijiya.

Yaya Bilal shiru yayi a lokacin, kusan mintuna biyu tsakanin ni da shi babu wanda yayi magana. Sai sautin saukar numfashinmu dake tashi kawai. Daga baya ma sai ya kashe wayar shi, bai ce komi ba.
Daga wannan rana bai sake kirana ba, ban sake ganinshi ba.

Daga farko cewa nayi tafi nono fari tas. Sai dai me! Ba’a cinye kwararan kwanaki biyu ba, jikina yayi sanyi da jin yanayin shirun da yayi. Ban san me yasa na damu ba. Haka zan saka wayata a gaba ina kallo sau tari, ina contemplating din in kira shi ko kuma in kyale shi. Komi da yake faruwa a lokacin sabo ne a gareni, wanda ban taba experiencing dinshi ba a tsawon rayuwata. Ko rabuwar mu da Umar, ban ji kwatankwacin abinda nake ji a halin yanzu ba. Duba kuma da tsawon lokutan da muka dauka tare da shi, da kuma wanda muka dauka da Yaya Bilal, abin mamaki ne.

A kwanaki na hudu sai gani kunshe akan katifata cikin dare ina shakar kuka na fitar hankali. Kamar wadda aka sanarwa da wani babban jigo nata ya bar duniya. A lokacin kukan shine kadai abinda nake gani mafita ce mai kyau. Bayan nan barci ya kwasheni, wanda washegari na tashi da ciwon kai mai zafi da kumburarriyar fuska. Tun daga wannan ranar har yau ban daina yin wannan ciwon kan ba.

Janan, dama duk wani wanda ya sanni, ya san irin natural cheery behavior dina, yasan cewa wadannan yan kwanakin ba lafiya ta lau ba. Duk wanda muka hadu dashi sai ya tambayeni, lafiya?. Tun ina murmushi ina basar da maganar, har na gaji, idan ma an tambayeni sai dai kawai in kalli mutum blankly ko kuma kawai in basar in ki amsa tambayar, yaudarar kaina kawai nake yi, ba lafiyata lau ba. Ta yaya ma zan zauna lafiya bayan na ki ba zuciyata abinda take muradi?.

Yau Janan ta gayyaceni zuwa Kaduna mu yi weekend a can, sai dai kai tsaye nace mata ba zan je ba. Tunanina daya, idan fa naje muka hadu da Yaya Bilal acan? Me zan yi, ko kuma me zan ce mishi? Ita kanta Ummah ban san da wani ido zan kalleta ba idan naje, don haka duk da ina son zuwa, haka nan nace mata taje ni ina da abubuwan yi. To itama bata matsa ba, tace to, muka yi sallama ta tafi.

Itama na kula tun maganar nan da muka yi da ita ranar da Yaya Bilal zai zo, bata kara tado min zancen ba. Amma kuma gabadaya sai nake ganinta kamar ba Janan dita ba, kamar ta canza. Duk da bata fito kai tsaye ta nuna min wata canjin fuska ba ko wani abu, amma she just seems very distant.

Shi yasa nake jin kamar an dauko duk wani nauyi da damuwa ta duniya an dora min. Duk duniya, Janan ita kadai ce abokiyar shawarata. Kafin in nemi Kulsum ko Yaya Mudatthir ko Fatsu da suke manyan abokan shawarata, da wata shawara, Janan nake fara nema. Mu zamu kashe mu binne a tsakaninmu babu wanda ya sani balle yaji labari, sai idan tayi wari ne a mafiya lokuta suke ji.
Yanzu kuwa da babu ita, sai naji kamar komi ya hargitse min.

Nasan babu ta yadda za ayi in nemeta da shawara game da dan uwanta, bayan duk wasu abubuwa da maganganun da nayi game dashi. Nasan ranar na bata haushi ba karami ba, amma kuma ai gaskiyata na fada mata ba wani abu ba. A tunanina zata fahimceni, nayi zaton zata fahimci inda na saka gaba. Sai dai abinda na manta shine, dan uwa, dan uwa ne. Yaya Bilal dan uwan Janan ne, hakan yana nufin cewa ko a halin runtsi da wuya, zata iya zabar Yaya Bilal da gudu ta barni. Balle wa zai juri yaji kalmar rashin so zuwa ga Yayanshi da yake matukar so da girmamawa na fita daga bakin abokinshi? Babu.
Shi yasa na fahimceta, ban kuma ji haushinta ba. Shi yasa nima ban kara tada mata maganar ba, kunya ma ba zata barni ba. To wai ma ince mata me? ‘Ni fa tunanin Yayanki ya ki barin zuciyata, kuma lokaci na karshe da muka yi waya dashi na zabga mishi rashin mutuncin da bai cancanta ba, shi yasa bai sake bibiyar rayuwata ba har yanzu, me kike tunanin yakamata inyi yanzu!’, yeah, da alamu na fara rasa alkiblata ma ni yanzu.

Tun wannan kwanciyar da nayi, ban motsa ba. Sai da Janan ta kira ni, lokacin har duhun dare ya fara shigowa sannan na motsa. Wuyana ya amsa da ciwo saboda kwanciyar da nayi a gefe daya na tsawon lokaci ba tare da na motsa ba, haka nan ina yamutsa fuska na dauki wayar muka gaisa. Ta sanar dani isarta gida kenan, na mata sannu da zuwa tare da sakon ta gaida su Ummah.

Muna cikin maganar na jiyo sautin muryar Yaya a can background din wayar, kamar ma dariya yake yi lokacin. Naji kamar anyi freezing din komi da kowa a lokacin banda ni dashi, muryar Janan ta dauke kamar bata wajen, babu abinda nake ji a cikin kunnena a lokacin sai sautin tattausar dariyar Yaya Bilal da take tashi a lokacin ina jinta kamar busar sarewa saboda yadda take tashi very deep, very soothing.

Ban san dalilin da yasa naji kwalla mai zafi ta ciko min idanu ba, amma zata iya yiwuwa saboda tsananin dadi da salamar da naji sun sauka a cikin zuciayata ne a lokacin, ban taba tunanin zan ji dadin jin muryar wata halitta a doron kasa bayan dogon lokaci da muka dauka ba tare da mun hadu ko mun ji muryar juna kamar yadda naji dadin jin muryar Yaya Bilal yanzu ba, ban taba ba.

Allah ne ya bani ikon dawowa cikin hayyacina kafin Janan ta fahimci wani abu, ko kuwa ta fahimtar kyaleni kawai tayi? Koma dai menene ban damu ba a lokacin, damuwata daya a lokacin inyi gaggawar katse kiran wannan kafin jin muryar Yaya ta sanya ni yin abinda ban shirya yi ba, ni da nake gudunshi tun karfina, in kare da making fool out of myself.
Don haka nayi gaggawar yin sallama da Janan, tana tambayar lafiya? Ina lalubo dalilin da nasan ko dan jariri haihuwar yau ba zai yi convincing ba na jefa mata, na kuma kashe wayar ba tare dana jira abinda zata ce ba.

Lokacin dana koma kan katifa na kwanta, idanu a lumshe, hannu daya dafe da gefen kaina da yake bugawa, zuciyata da wani irin nauyi kamar an dauki wani gungumemen dutse an aza mata, babu abinda yake cikin raina sai tunanin azabar bata isa ba haka ba? Anya, ba zan nemawa zuciyata sanyi ba??!.